Not every day is sunny

Today is a bad day. Today, I am broken.

Pain is tearing through me like a relentless torrent of angry enemies. Every inch of my body, every fibre in my being, is screaming out in agony, demanding attention and care. But my healing well has run dry - I have no resources left to fight this invading army and I have been overrun.

Every tactic I have in my arsenal is useless and spent. Painkillers are like trying to stop a speeding train with a water pistol. Meditation and mindfulness are impossible because every time I try to find a state of peace, the stabbing fingers of pain invade and overrun my attempts at finding peace and inner silence.

These are the days I yearn to shuffle off my mortal coil and seek Charon's transport to the depth of Hades. I welcome the promise of its arrival. These are the days when fighting seems about as futile as Canute commanding the tide to cease its relentless and unforgiving path. These are the days when the storms in my heart prevent me from seeing any vestige of optimism in today's first promises of spring.

My own words -Stay strong, fight hard, laugh lots - laugh back at me, their futility and pointlessness stark as I drown in this sea of unrelenting agony. They are the words of a pointlessly optimistic fool, myopic in his failure to acknowledge reality. How can I be positive and optimistic in the face of such overwhelming pain?

This is what a bad day is like. These are the days when tears of frustration, bitterness and anger are my constant companion, and they sit there mocking my failure to find any positivity or optimism.

On days like today, I turn inward, shunning friendship's company because today, I am a poor companion. The ability to think sufficiently clearly in order to construct coherent sentences face to face is beyond me. So today I will communicate via text or not at all. I pray that friends and family will understand.

Today is a bad day.

Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe tomorrow this will make sense: