I'm getting snappy !

A good friend of mine remarked recently how much he hated people who started sentences (and blogs!) with "So....", and then I realised that's what I always do! So I'm not going to this time...oh damn. I just did.

Anyway - I've been quiet for a while because the pain has been an absolute bitch recently and that's sort of what brought about this post. I've worked really hard on 'coping techniques' in the last few years and one of the best is to try to keep my body and mind busy. It doesn't lessen the pain but it's better than just sitting there thinking about yukky stuff.

I've done various activities to keep the brain occupied and some strange ones amongst them - I have to confess to being addicted to puzzle games on Xbox that I'm pretty certain are designed for young people! When I say young people, I mean kids - not teenagers!

But inspiration comes in many different forms. A couple of years ago, I reconnected with a childhood friend at my Mother's funeral. Bizarrely, although by no means my first girlfriend, she was definitely the first girl I fell in love with! She, in return, got all the 16/17-year old teenager angst, insecurity and gauche bashfulness of an emotionally immature individual who was battling the effect of a dysfunctional alcoholic Father. I can't imagine why she didn't stick around for long!

But she is remarkable human being. Exceptionally gifted in many areas (excelling in music, education and personality), on leaving University with a degree in something I will never understand (nuclear science I think), she worked in an a scientific arena for several years.

Marriage and children arrived and feeling the emotional pull of bringing up her own children, she returned to study, got a teaching qualification and thereupon became a teacher. Remarkable adaptability! Slightly off the point (but related...literally), her Father, who sadly died during the pandemic (but not as a result of it), was totally a hero of mine and probably the closest thing I ever had to a genuine father figure. I miss him so much. He was gentle, thoughtful, proactively kind, taught me so much and inspired me so much and was just the best and nicest man you could ever wish to meet. Requiescat in pace, Tony.

I tell you this only to make the point about the ability of human beings to master new things as we progress through life. And I am using that story (and many like it) to try to master (or perhaps settle for just learning) a new skill - and that chosen skill is...[imagines a drum roll in his own head]...photography.

Yes - I genuinely took this picture at the top of this post!

No.... stop laughing. I'm serious! Well...moderately serious anyway. I know my pictures may well come out like the awkward fumblings of an innocent newly-wed but I do love scenery and landscapes and if I can maybe capture them in one millionth of their beauty and majesty, I'll be happy. In my usual pretentious manner, I have even created a YouTube channel which seems like the height of folly.

I've done a couple of video montages of the stuff I've done so far. One is a series of dawn and dusk pictures taken over several days at home and the other (probably a bit too long at nearly 6 minutes!) taken at Rye Meads nature area over recent weeks. Oh - and yes - I did take that picture of the moon above. It was the Hunter Moon from 22nd October this year.

I also plan to do a couple of vlogs in coming weeks but I'm not sure the world is ready for my irritating nasally voice. But hey - we all got something to say and the wrapper is rarely an indication of the quality of the content (at least that's what I'm telling myself!).

So, the main message in all of this nonsensical rambling (delighted I'm staying true to form!) is that dealing with pain/ severe illness is always hard. But finding things to do to keep the brain from straying into those dangerous destructive thought processes is healthy and perhaps also vital. I may make a complete arse of myself - but it really doesn't matter whether I'm any good at this or not. The fact is that I'm trying to keep my brain active and I'm trying to do something positive to fight all the negatives.

Lots of love to everyone

Stay strong. Fight hard. Laugh lots.