Hitting the wall?

I've stopped losing weight and I'm angry and frustrated.

I suppose it was inevitable. Those of you who have stuck with my drivel-filled ramblings will know that I set myself the ludicrous target of getting to 16 stone, and it had all been going so well in January and February.

I had been sticking to my regime and losing weight reasonably consistantly and had been very happy with my progress.

It would be stretching the truth to say it had been easy but it had been controlled and my weight loss had been on a pretty even trajectory. I didn't feel like I had needed to work really hard at it (although I had changed almost all of my eating habits) and the weight had reduced at a rate that I thought was reasonable and sustainable.

All in all, I was pleased.

Don't tell anyone else, but I think I might have got a little cocky about the whole thing. I'm not saying I took my eye off the ball but it did kinda hit me in the goolies when the first reading in March took me completely by surprise.

Not only had the weight stopped coming down, it had actually gone up by almost one complete kilo.

I was genuinely shocked. I didn't feel like I had done anything different, nor had I suddenly lost control over what I was eating. I did not experience a sudden increase in the bad pain days and munched my way through a mountain of chocolate to make myself feel better.

I was very genuinely disappointed and somewhat mystified.

Looking back now (I'm writing this on Tuesday 31st March 2026), I recognise that I was being taught a necessary and valuable lesson. Given my life over the last 11 years or so, perhaps it was more of a reminder of something I once knew, rather than something I was learning for the first time. The lesson is this: Whatever your goals are, whatever challenges you face, no matter how insurmountable they may seem, you need to stick to your plan. Whether that is going through debilitating courses of chemotherapy or learning how to eat more sensibly in a weight loss program; once you've decided on your plan, you must stand steadfast and resolute.

Whatever we undertake and whatever we try to achieve, success never comes in a linear upward curve. It is inevitable that there will be ups and downs along the way and we need to be strong enough to stay the course - and not be thrown off course - by whatever storms batter us. So often, and in so many scenarios in my life, I've seen people give up on plans once they hit the first bumps in the road. But if we keep on abandoning our plans at the first sight of trouble, we end up with no plan at all and that is a very dangerous place to be.

Many of you reading this will have been through chemo or some other intensely difficult life event and will know the devastation these things can bring. Suffering brings with it its own sense of despair and the ever warm welcoming invitation to give up. It's so tantalisingly easy just to give in to the temptation to take the easy path. I know - I've been there so often in the 11 years since I started this endless fight against leukaemia and chronic pain. It would be easy to just stop adhering to all the restrictions and constrictions that my Joint medical Team ask of me. It is always really tempting to just take the easy path.

Intelligent Assessments trump Emotional Kneejerks

But where would that get me? I'd get ill very quickly and almost certainly be in more pain equally fast. That is a path that would inevitably lead to Dignitas in Switzerland (where they have a humane approach to human suffering as opposed to the UK where we condemn people to live in agony and misery just to assuage the conscience of those who live in comfort and ease). Looking at the situation with my diet, if I were to give up just because I had one bad week, then I would end up staying grossly overweight with no excuse or reason.

And even if I did, my self-esteem would plummet through the floor. I would hate myself (more than usual) and just feel guilty. Like many people, I've never had a positive self-image, so undermining my self-confidence is hardly going to make a positive contribution to my sense of self-worth, is it?

Staying Steadfast in the Storm

A date for your diary?

And how did the rest of March pan out?

Well...you'll just have to wait until mid-April to find out. New blog and film with March updates will be published then.

But...just thinking about the content of this blog - the need to stay true to your purpose despite having to face bumps in the road and staying cheerful throughout...it's almost as if the message from the lesson I'm being taught is something warmly familiar:

Stay Strong. Fight Hard. Laugh Lots.