An apology and an update

Hi everyone.

First and foremost, my apologies for having been silent for such a long time.

It was a combination of things really. Firstly, I had quite a few things happening all around the same time - I tend to write better when I think clearly about what I want to talk about. If I rush it, it generally doesn't quite come out right. I'd got myself into a ridiculous situation where I felt compelled (exclusively by myself, not by anything or anyone else) to write almost every week. Daft, I know, but we all get ourselves stuck in these mind loops from time to time. I lost direction and motivation so I went silent for a few weeks.

Having started this 'writing thing' as a way of channelling my own emotions after the worst year of my life (the story is here for those who aren't familiar with why I started writing this nonsense), I now find that I want to create a dialogue with anyone reading my stuff. I want their comments and feedback. I need to use my channel better to get it out there more so that people feel empowered - or at least have the desire - to give feedback. So I've spent a lot of time thinking about what I do, why I do it and how I do it - but more on that in a minute.

Secondly, the pain came back with a vengeance after a few relatively light weeks. I try to keep a balance of honesty with optimism and bad pain phases are not conducive to good writing (although bizarrely, they do seem to give me better ideas for topics to discuss). I get very down when the pain is bad and I do not write well when I'm depressed.

Finally, I also got to spend a few days with my wonderful sister and brother after being apart for so long. My big sister had a stroke early this year and Covid kept us apart when all I really wanted to do was go and wrap her up in a protective hug. I can't tell you how wonderful it was to see her doing so well - you'd barely know she even had a stroke. My big brother was, as ever, a rock of dependability, common sense and pragmatism and his inside knowledge of the Covid situation (he's a GP) was both helpful and reassuring. It was wonderful to spend time with them and their 'other halves' as well as our honorary brother and sister whose love and sense of humour brings such joy to these occasions.

So to the future - I've had along think about why I do this and where I want to go with it. I use Facebook and obviously my own website to publish my wild ramblings. But I've recently been watching quite a few other 'advocates' (hope that doesn't sound too pretentious) and their use of video as well as the written word seems to give them a more complete appeal. So I'm going to look into doing some video stuff too. The problem is going to be that I have a voice that sounds like I have a permanent cold and that I'm speaking under water, but hopefully people will get past that quickly!

I'm going to start by 'verbalising' some of my earlier blogs just to see how it goes. I'll be really keen to get your feedback and suggestions. The plan is to link the website, Facebook and possibly a YouTube channel together to try to reach the most people, but we'll start slow and see how we get on. I hope you'll all help me get it right.

So the summary to all this is that I'm changing the reason I do this. It used to be simply my way of getting stuff out of my head so I could manage my own mental health - and that will still be a prime reason for doing stuff. But now, I also want to help, inform and support others, irrespective of what life challenge they face. If I can do that by also being interesting or entertaining, then so much the better. But above all, it will be respectful, compassionate and responsible - but hopefully never 'preachy', cringey or self-righteous. I'll be so grateful if you guys could help me with that via your feedback once we get started.

So, next steps for me are to get things in place. I'm going to get some stuff written or recorded to get things started and then I'll be publishing it and asking for your help in raising awareness, and most importantly, getting your feedback. Hopefully exciting times ahead.

Thanks for reading this. Stay safe and well. More than ever...

Stay strong. Fight hard. Smile lots